What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize