you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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