Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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