I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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