I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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