somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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