I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize