then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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