I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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