I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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