shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize