im drinking this country out of the recession.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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