Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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