I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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