I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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