I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize