If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
MIDGETS
????
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize