I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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