I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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