my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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