Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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