he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
