i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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