Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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