Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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