Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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