I need to stop coming to work sober
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize