pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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