I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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