We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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