You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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