Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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