So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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