You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she woke up with a sticky ear
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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