Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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