just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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