You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My bed smells like the plague
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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