hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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