Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize