I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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