6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The beer is more important than you right now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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