As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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