Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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