I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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