She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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