so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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