btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
50% drunk capacity currently
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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