my sisters under your porch take her home
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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