And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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