my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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