Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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